Why Fear Has Kept Me Away

"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown." -H.P. Lovecraft

As you can tell, I have been away for a long while. It has not been intentional. I really have had some great things that I have done over the last six months that I could have written about. There have been times when I opened up this blog and started writing, only to delete every word and close my laptop. Or most likely, go back to Pinterest. Lol. 

I have stayed away for one reason. Fear. I can't really describe this weird fear I have of writing about my life. Talk to me and you will know that I truly am an open book. I love talking to people in person and telling them about my hubby and dogs. Something about writing it down, though, while trying to be witty and funny and relevant scares me. 

Especially in a world where there are so many blogs. People more fascinating than me taking to the web to discuss their views on the world. Who am I amongst all of them? If you ask me about myself, I would say that my life is pretty boring. I don't leave the house most days. I talk to my dogs entirely too much for a sane person. And I mostly live life via reality shows, the travel channel, and whatever I view on the internet. What can I offer the world? That question has led to this crippling writer's block...hell, it has led to a life block. 

Call it my mid-30s life crisis, but that one simple question has led me to a point where I am literally crippled and don't know what or where to go. "What can I offer?" I literally could end my blog post there as some existential question that can never be answered. Over the last six months as my life has seemed to get more and more stale to me, that is all that has swam in my mind. 

Have I found an answer? No. Not even close, but along the way, I have at least figured out some things. The first is that I truly need to keep writing. I have been afraid to really get real and dark on this blog because truthfully, that is not what the original intent was supposed to be. I wanted to be like one of my Pinterest boards. A mix of all things cool and fun. However, maybe my voice is meant to express this stage that I am in. This crazy mixed up time in my thirties where I find out who I am and what my purpose is. 

So here I go...hope you enjoy. But don't worry, I will try and throw in some of the cool and fun in too. :-)

Talk later!
Crystal